Game playing and creation as a means of therapy

In an uncontrollable rage that started from something slightly aggravating and innocuous such as my DVD player scratching my first disc of Roseanne Season Three, I let out my frustration by biting into my arm. This is an example of a bad way to channel one's anger and depression into an action.

My psychiatrist attempts to help with allowing me to conquer my bipolar symptoms, particularly when I become manic, but the issue here is that there is no one way my manic symptoms are triggered. Thus, there is no one way to always solve or prevent such an episode.

My bipolar has affected me for the majority of my adult life, presenting symptoms when I was originally in college around age 23. I have had three unique jobs-- one at GameStop, where I ended up cussing out my boss and walking out, one at Six Flags, where I ended up cussing out an employee and marching off, and one at Best Buy... where this is a little different-- I ended up cussing out an employee and threw my headset at them. I'm borderline psychotic during a manic episode, but the latter one was especially scary as I had never lashed out at a person before. It was only an object like a wall I'd kick or punch or something handheld that I could smash and break by throwing it to the ground.

Regardless, I'm back in school now, and I'm finally on a prescription cocktail that works for me. That doesn't mean my symptoms are fully in control, as the opening paragraph clearly shows. However, it does mean that I don't suffer from the symptoms anywhere close to how often I did or as severe as when my bipolar originated.

Despite all this, I have found an avenue for calming down and feeling less alone when depression, a portion of my bipolar, hits. Like painting, drawing, or simply coloring, I find that playing games and even developing games help me in serving as art therapy. It's doing something creative or something that gets me distracted that allows me to turn from a bad mood to a good one-- or at least feel numb instead of full of sadness or rage.

I tend to play games with bright colors and peppy soundtracks-- things like Mario, Kirby, Donkey Kong, Sonic the Hedgehog, Mega Man, and so forth. For some, they could say it's a means to escape. For others, it may be said that these games turn a sour mood into a happy one through the interaction I am having with the games I play. My brain is no longer thinking about how alone I am (and my depression clouds how I am actually not alone by any stretch of the imagination, as a simple Facebook post about how I'm feeling or what I'm doing is met with my friends chiming in), how I'm a loser for never having been in a relationship before (even though I know many people don't have the same problems I do, which again, my depression clouds), and how my self-esteem is quite horrid. Instead, I'm thinking about how to solve an environmental or platforming puzzle, how to get around to a cordoned off section of level, or what I should to complete an arduous challenge.

This goes into designing games as well. With Super Push Adventure, I found joy in creating new levels and writing dialogue. I was making my own world-- one that was free from all the horrors of the real world like my depression, my loneliness, my rage, etc. I found that making Super Push Adventure at times was highly therapeutic. It gave me such a high that no drug on the market could replicate, and unlike drugs, I wouldn't suffer a nasty side effect from my natural high.

Legends of Adrigal is allowing me to show off my creative storytelling side. In some ways, having depression when writing the scenario or composing music helps give the mood I want to have for the game at times. It's much easier for me to write a forlorn, somber piece of music when I'm in a similar type of mood.

NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, and several other places have brought up a link between creativity and mental illness. Perhaps this gift of creativity (however limited it may be for me) is a side effect of my bipolar. It certainly is linked to it, as doing creative things certainly helps me feel better about myself, lowers my chance for a manic mood swing, and feel well.

I believe that doing anything creative is great for the mind. You don't have to be depressed or have thoughts of isolation in order to start something.  It's not limited to just creating games or solving puzzles, either. You can draw, you can paint, you can color, and so on to help your mind out. For me, I feel good when I'm making progress in a game, allowing my artistic spirit to thrive with creating sprites for a game like Chickadee, writing scenario data for Legends of Adrigal, or composing music for Super Push Adventure. It doesn't work all the time, but more often than not, when I'm feeling down (but not in a manic frenzy), I can turn to games to make myself feel better.